A man goes to the doctor and tells him that he hasn't been feeling well. The doctor examines him, leaves the room and comes back with three different bottles of pills. The doctor says:
"Take the green pill with a big glass of water when you get up. Take the blue pill with a big glass of water after lunch. Then just before going to bed, take the red pill with another big glass of water."
Startled to be put on so much medicine the man stammers:
"Jeez doc, exactly what's my problem?"
Doctor says,
"You're not drinking enough water."
........................
"Doctor, doctor, I've swallowed the film from my camera."
"We'll just have to wait and see what develops."
.
"Doctor, doctor, I keep thinking I'm a dog."
"Sit down and tell me all about it."
"I can't, I'm not allowed on the furniture."
.
"Doctor, doctor, I keep seeing little black spots before my eyes."
"Have you seen a Doctor before?"
"No, just little black spots."
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A young Jewish man was visiting a psychiatrist, hoping to cure his eating and sleeping disorder.
"Every thought I have turns to my mother," he told the psychiatrist.
"As soon as I fall asleep and begin to dream, everyone in my dream turns into my mother. I wake up so upset that all I can do is go downstairs and eat a piece of toast."
The psychiatrist replied, "What, just one piece of toast for a big boy like you?"
.
Doctor: What seems to be the trouble?
Patient: Doctor, I keep getting the feeling that nobody can hear what I say.
Doctor: What seems to be the trouble?
.
...and there is always room for a penguin or two...
The Penguin Visits The Drugstore
A penguin was passing the drug store when he decided he wanted to go in. He walks in the door (ring ring ring, waddle waddle waddle) he waddles up to the counter.
'Can I help you mister penguin?'
'Yes, do you have any plums?'
'No, penguin, this is a drugstore.'
'Thank you.'
The penguin leaves (waddle waddle waddle) A while latter the penguin passes by again and once again goes inside. (ring ring ring, waddle waddle waddle) He waddles to the counter.
'Excuse me, do you have any plums?'
'NO, penguin! this is a drug store!'
'Very well then, thank you.'
'If you come back in here again penguin, I will nail your cute little feet to the floor.'
'Oh, well, thank you' The penguin waddles out the door. A while latter the penguin goes back into the store. (ring ring ring, waddle waddle waddle)
'Excuse me sir.'
'WHAT!!!!!!????????'
'Do you have any nails?'
'NO! penguin, this is a drug store!!!'
'Oh, well then, do you have any plums?'
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A penguin walks into a bar, asks the bartender, have you seen my father?
Bartender says, What does he look like?